If you think I did this for revenge, you're wrong. I'm not the kind.

I'm sorry I screwed things up. I didn't mean for things to happen this way. I swear.

I need time. To know what I want.

But well, I lost you. Again. For the second time in a month. And it hurts. Alot.

Just so you know. I love you. I really do.

And it's gonna take hell of a time forgetting you.

the clocks ticking
time s running
my mind is swirling
but i think of nothing.

left or right i must choose.
or there is alot i have to lose
losing itself is nothing much
but i cant bear to see that heart's arch
so that s all i have to do
not kill or steal or what i think i too.
so push forth i shall go.
till there is nothing left to show.



everything, everything may be gone
but at least, im nothing left to scorn.

you might feel that there's this imbalance in this r/s, that you've been hurting me and you can't do it anymore cos you love me. Truth is, Sam, there's nothing I want me than to walk down the rest of life with you.

REALLY. It's ok you don't care for me as much as I do for you. It really is.
It's a misconception on your part; you do care, babe. And it's enough to make me happy for the rest of my years.

This speaks so much to how I feel now.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that your missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay her,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that your missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving... I'm not moving. So I'm not moving... I'm not moving. So I'm not moving... I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Whos waiting on a girl...Oohoohwoo
There no hole in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...Cos you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that your missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving... I'm not moving. So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

That's why I can't move on. Because I'm hoping you'd come back.

That's why I'm doing this blog, so that maybe, unintentionally, you might hear of it, and see it, and come back to find me still waiting for you.

Love, Andrew.

There were many things that we did that held me together.

1. The night at the park. That night, before camp Aspire. Sitting there, watching the sky with you, it was majestic. The clouds were blood red and there were no stars. I'll always remember.

2. The night at VIVO. Sitting down at the steps, holding your hand and sharing such a romantic moment with you.

3. Every night we send each other home. The kisses. They assured me this would last forever.

4. The smses. I can go through them over and over, all 4000, and not fail to have that warm feeling at the pit of my heart.

5. The times you waited for me to end training. Just to walk me to the bus stop.

6. The way you hold and lie on my arm.

7. The way your hair feels.

8. Science centre. It was where we had so much fun.

9. Picking you up from your home. The way you kiss and thank me for it. I'll always remember.

10. You being YOU.

Stubborn you, sudden-lose-your-temper you, love/hate- me you, watch-narnia-and-cry you, try-to-stop-my-bad-habits you, changed-me you, morally-upright you, never-understand you, innocent you, misunderstood you, never-cry-at-the-sweetest-moments you, love-me you, president you, whiney you, focused you,stick-notes-on-all-my-books you, my-everything you.

Today i missed you so bad again. I hurt my toe. And you're not there to tell me how bad it's gonna be, ask who's the idiot who did it to me, etc.. And show how much you care.

I can't take this anymore.

SAM: don't be so emo ok? cos i can't handle it.

ME: but i'm alright, and you're alright, then we're losing it. and i don't want that.

SAM: then i guess, we're losing it.

SAM: I can't give you a second chance. not on my conscience.

After this, Sam, I really wanna let go. But I can't. Every single long haired girl I see in P.S. I think it's you, every scenary that fulfils me reminds me that you're not here to share beautiful things with me.

I love you so much Sam. Nothing can hurt me more than losing you, I'm sure of it.

I can't do this, I can't take it anymore.

God, save me. Save me dear Lord. Cos I love her so much. SO SO SO SO MUCH.

SOMEBODY, HELP. HELP ME GET OVER THIS DEBACLE. I'M SCARRED BEYOND SALVATION. I'M DESTROYED.

I'm...fading away.

the Sec 2 GAY and lovey-dovey Andrew never died. He's here, typing out this post to let readers know how pathetic he still is.

After all this, Sam, I realise that the layers and layers of defense I've built up over the years have amounted to nothing. You came right in, tore them down, and put my foundations on knowing how to love all over again instead.

I feel .... Vulnerable.